Becoming30 is a writing project that I developed out of my depression during 2015-2017. This was during the height of the Black Lives Matter movement. I was in such an emotional space trying to find the tools to process all the death, all the violence that I witnessed each time I opened social media. Those years, I searched for tools to be able to continue my work, but my grief was too much. Right now, seeing my very own home state Minnesota erupt, because of the history of police brutality and racism built into every institution, has brought me to a familiar state.
In my letter to Baldwin, I talked about my attempt to heal as I age. I do this by allowing myself to feel. it. all. Name my emotions. Accept my emotions. Examine the hurt and exhaustion. But also finding a way to set those emotions aside so as to not let myself spiral. 2015-2017 were some of the most painful memories of my life, but I promised myself something this year: I will not allow white supremacy to steal my joy. I will not allow white supremacy to steal my ambitions. I must experience and hold onto joy because I can't be overwhelmed in despair.
This has led to May's question: What is something that has gone well for you this year? This may be hard to do but sharing something seemingly small like allowing yourself to cry or asking for help is an accomplishment you should be proud of in this time. I implore you to think of one thing that you are proud of in this moment, especially my black readers, because we deserve happiness.
My answer: This year has been a gift in terms of time for reflection and creation. I am writing again! Journaling, creating stories, and more that I am excited to share with you. Writing has always grounded me. Filling a note, page or journal brings me joy I cannot find elsewhere, and I am grateful for this downtime.